Highlights of the last couple of weekends

HBHarley *grabs glasses* "Hey wait a second, you're not the same guy that I was talking to that was wearing these? Where did he go?"
Zilchy "Nope. They're my glasses, and I'm a lot fucking sexier than he is."

"Hey guys what do you think about CRAB PEOPLE!"
*Blank scared deer in headlights looks*

Zilchy "Holy shit you're cheating on our table already?"
HBGoblin "I would never cheat on your table oh my god!"
Zilchy "This friendship is never gonna work out if you're this dishonest already."

HBHarley *sprills drink on Maysons jeans*
Mayson "Whoa these jeans are more expensive than anything that you own."
HBHarley "Why would you spend so much money on jeans?"
Mayson "Because I'm fucking worth it that's why"
HBHarley "That's the best response I've ever heard."
*Makeout*

Mayson "You know what I hate, people you call friends but you can't really trust. Because they do things that disrespectful."
HBSinger "Yeah I totally know what you mean. You know he was hot but a total asshole. You're hot but you're fucking awesome."

Entropy "You're lucky I've been drinking or I'd totally hit on you."
HBMsNH "Uhh yeah... I'd be so lucky..." *sarcastic and walks away*

Zilchy "Can you just fill the rest of his with pink lemonade? He'll never notice the difference"
*HBMsNH laughing*
Mayson "Yeah we're all pink in the middle."
*awkward silence*

HBEuro *grabs shirt and pulls into her* "I REALLY wanna dance with you"
Zilchy "Yeah, I'm sure you do. I'm really not that easy."
HBEuro "Uhhh I was just talking about dancing. That's all I wanted to do."
Zilchy "That's what I was talking about also, Whoa slow down."

HBHummus *runs up gives a big hug and rests head on neck*
Mayson *stare at her boyfriend* "Wow, does she this with you too?"
Boyfriend "Uhh no, what did you do?"
Mayson *pushes off*
HBHummus "No, because Mayson is sexy."

HBRockstar *whispers in ear* "If we had sex no one would ever find out."
Zilchy "Yes, they would."
HBRockstar "Yeah, because you would tell Mayson."
Zilchy "No, you would be walking with a limp for a week."
Ganglord "We'd see you and be like Zilchy, you didn't have to use a bat."
Zilchy "I can't help it, I was born with it."

recthegr81 *opener* "Hey guys, this is my friend Entropy. He has 7 stds and likes inflatable farm animals."
Set "Uhhh." *back turn and walk away
recthegr81 "Entropy, what could I have done better in that set?"
Entropy "Not use that opener?"

recther81 *opener* "Hi my name is recthegr81, I have 7 stds and I love inflatable farm animals."
HBWhoWasThis "Uhh gross..."
Zilchy "Uhh he makes ballon animals for cancer patients, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

*morning after*
HBTwinkie "You know, you're definitely the strangest guy I've ever been with."
Entropy "I'll take that as a compliment."