The Mind of Mayson: "Being a Man"

What does it mean to be a man?

When we are posed with that question many things come to mind. We can talk about confidence, leadership, strength and all of those would be good answers, but what is the core of being a man? In the last 40 years the roles of a man and woman have become more and more blurred. Women in the 1940’s and 1950’s would stay home, raise the children and took on the role of a submissive wife. In the 1960’s and 1970’s feminism took center stage and as more and more divorces happened women became single mothers and left to raise boys on their own. I was a product of a single mother and no father in the 1980’s and I have spent a great deal of my life trying to answer the question of what does it mean to be a man?

Now as we turn the page into 2010 we see these roles barely exist anymore. Men have become dependent, lacking direction, followers, cowards and more than anything irresponsible. In the community we learn about the “attraction switches.” We are taught to be confident but we are never instructed as to WHY this role is important or even HOW to actually sustain confidence.

So what is a man in 2010 and why does this matter to your dating life?

Because being a man is a role that will NEVER disappear. It may seem obvious, but the truth is;

Women… Like… Men..


I want to give you my characteristics of what a man is and what their role is.

Responsibility
Most men believe that being responsible means supporting a family financially. Being responsible means your role is to accept when you are wrong, but live with the mindset that you are right and confident in your ability to make decisions. A man should also contribute to the emotional, spiritual, physical and mental well-being of his family and significant other. This means taking action when the circumstances call for it and doing what it takes to solve issues that arise.


A Protector
A protector means that you can more than just physically protect her from other people; it also means protecting her self-esteem and self-worth. One of the greatest compliments a woman can give a man is to feel safe around him.


A Leader
A good leader takes the lead rather than passively waiting for your spouse or significant other to initiate it. Leadership shows confidence and we all know that confidence is very attracting to a woman. Most guys miss the mark here and view leadership as a one way street. A good leader inspires others to greatness, thus giving value while he leads the relationship or household.


A Mentor
A man of high value is a mentor to others through word and action. Set high standards and teach by doing. He is impeccable with his word and his actions display confidence as well as mentoring others to improve their lives. This is a powerful trait for a man to have because the strength of character it takes to be a mentor shows a wide variety of attraction switches such as: Confidence, leaderships, social proof and social status.

The spineless behavior of men is changing the roles that men and women have and causing men to become submissive, feminine and afraid to take the lead.


The first step to understanding and changing this behavior is becoming dominant.

Dominance does NOT mean that you own another person, simply put dominance means that you have authority over another person. You take the lead and lead the interaction. If we talk about relationships it means that you are the one who leads the relationship, others are along for the ride and offer their input. You do NOT control the other person, she is free to be who she is just as you are free to be who you are, you are simply leading the relationship and she is more than welcome to add input.

A lot of guys mistake dominance for total control…


A relationship is not about control because control is based in fear, a relationship should be founded on love and love is all about freedom. Dominance simply means that you are going to step up and be the man. You are going to lead her and she is going to choose to follow or not. This means making plans, choosing where to eat, setting boundaries and enforcing them.


The next step is Assume leadership.
You are the leader because you are the man. Tell her what you want!! When I counsel people in a relationship I often find the same issue that happens over and over again. Neither person is expressing what they actually want.

You will NEVER get what you want if you do not clearly communicate what you actually want and expect from the other person.

Assuming leadership means that you understand your role as the man in the relationship is to step up and lead. Take authority over your actions and lead the relationship where you want it to go.


Controlling Emotions
One quality of a man that many people overlook is the ability to control emotions. Women are creatures of emotion and thus their moods will change as their emotion’s change. As a man you are responsible for controlling your emotions and not letting your emotions control you. Many times when a man has no father figure and was raised by a mother only he will be a very emotional man. Part of assuming the role of a man though is to have dominance over your emotional well-being as well. Its OK to show emotions, in fact it is vital! However, you need to show restraint and that restraint of emotion is VERY attractive to women.


Becoming Independent
Independence is a major trademark of a man. Independence shows that you can take care of yourself and therefore you can take care of others. Independence shows that you understand the way life works and have broken free from your dependence on others both financially and emotionally.


Having Direction in life
Having a direction in life is another vital role that a man must take on. If you are to be the leader of a relationship or family you must display that you are taking her in a direction she wishes to go and that she has the faith in you to follow. One of the greatest compliments a woman can give a man is that you are multi-dimensional. You have passions other than what she first saw.


Setting standards
In the beginning of any interaction with a woman you are sending signals to each other about where your boundaries are. You communicate these in many ways such as verbal cues, body language and willingness to comply with suggestions. As you set boundaries the woman’s job is to test these boundaries to see if you will keep her in check. As the man allows his boundaries to be broken the woman loses attraction for him. Over time, the woman will leave the man because she loses all respect for him and sees him as an unsuitable partner.

A man sets his standards and keeps them there. One of the greatest phrases that holds true in life is “we teach people how to treat us.” We do this by setting boundaries and then holding others accountable for violating them.

For a final point I will try to answer the question what does it mean to be a man. I guess from all my experiences I can say that we know we are a man when we see one. When you become responsible for your actions you begin to understand the world not from the eyes of selfishness, but from the eyes of selflessness.

Questions or Comments EMAIL US
Mayson@newsocialsystems.com
info@newsocialsystems.com

happiness

I think a lot of time we fall sway to the “I will be happy when” ideology.

I will be happy when I get what I want. This ideology causes a great deal of suffering because we make an agreement with ourselves that we will not be happy until what we want is here. Happiness is never found in anyone or anything, true happiness is a feeling that comes from inside of you.

One of the major keys to happiness is contentment. You must be content with your life right now or you will never achieve greater things because you’re mind will always be in the future wishing for something that has not yet manifested. Happiness is never found outside of us it is always inside. We like to believe that if we had what we wish for that happiness would soon abound but the fact of the matter is that that temporary joy will fade over time until we find something else that we want.

When we seek happiness from external sources we are chasing a dream that will always remain just out of our hands. As we obtain these external things new dreams are formed and we must chase them or risk suffering. When one derives happiness from inside you will take it with you everywhere you go. No one can take your dream away because it is inside of you and cannot be bought, sold or destroyed.

The next key to finding happiness inside of you is to accept what is. It is what it is in your life right now and you must see your life not as good or bad but you are where you are in life right now to learn as much as you can. No matter what you believe is bad in your life relate it to something MUCH worse and you will see you’re problems could be much worse. Nothing is good or bad, big or small it is all in what you relate it to.

Be sure to check out www.newsocialsystems.com

that which resists...

Over the course of the last couple of weeks there has been a principal that has repeated itself in my life and the lives of the students that I have been teaching and I wanted to share it with you guys...

THAT WHICH RESISTS... PERSISTS...

I am sure most of us have heard the phrase before but I wanted to break it down a bit because I have seen this very concept work time and time again in the field and its something that I believe is a part of a deeper understanding about life.

When you resist against something it gives it energy and make the force that you are resisting that much stronger.

By resisting...
you are reflecting back to you...
the very thing that you do not want...

Let’s take the example of a break up in a relationship. If the woman breaks up with you and you do everything you can to win her back instead of allowing her the space that she wants then you are resisting the break up and thus giving it power. Your focus is not on bettering yourself in this process but resisting the break up. This will cause the break up to persist and to actually become more painful. When you stop resisting and allow yourself the freedom to walk away and give her the gift of allowing her to reassess the situation then you stop giving it power.

The more you resist the things in life by saying
“ no I don’t want that”
you are magnifying the very things in which you don’t want. Spend your time and energy thinking and feeling what you want rather then what you don’t want and watch as it manifests into your life.

This is the principal that is based in the martial art Aikido. You redirect your opponent’s energy and you’re their force against them. You do not resist their attack but redirect it. This principal is universal and holds true for all problems in life.

Though we understand the principal, we now have to put it into action. One way to redirect the resistance is to..

constantly...
be aware of your feelings...

Since your thoughts dictate your feelings, start by thinking positive thoughts. Think of things in the present that you love about yourself or other people. Think of fun times that you have had throughout your life and really get the feeling associated with those times. Stop resisting what you want to change and understand that change is inevitable but growth is optional.

I am going to be talking a lot more about how to develop a new lifestyle mindset and offering some really cool things to the readers.. SO STAY TUNED

As always if you have questions..
MAYSONPUA@GMAIL.COM

Thought for the day... An Apple

Just as the apple contains the ability inside of itself to produce more of its kind, humans produce inside of us the ability to be happy and spread the fruits of happiness in others but we first must realize that we posses this ability.

If a seed could talk...

All around us there are marvels that take place that we may never see but they are the natural balance of this beautiful world. Let’s take for instance the life of a seed. Something so small and seemingly insignificant that many would take it for granted can produce an amazing result with enough time. The way seeds reproduce is unlike humans or animal, see the seed reproduces by dying.

If a seed could talk I think that it would have more wisdom to say in two sentences then most of the things humans have said in two centuries. The seed would tell us a lesson that transcends all human logic because the seed would say that to truly live your best life and become the best you….. you… have to die.

You have to die to your old habits and lifestyle and shed the things in this life that have kept you complacent and locked in fear. In life, like in pick up people want results as quick as possible but they sit and play video games for 12 hours, eat like shit and want attract models. Nothing about pick up is easy but nothing is more rewarding then being able to attract the people that you want in your life and doing what other people only talk about doing, changing your life.

The seed would tell us that you have to lay down what you are now and trust that with time, effort and pressure you will crack…. And it is in that cracking of your old shell that the beautiful inside is exposed to finally grow into the best you that was there all along. I can only imagine that the first seed was afraid to die on a theory that with time it would become something bigger then the contents of its shell.

We are all confined to the shell that we place on ourselves through accepting society’s norms and limiting our belief patterns. We are constantly living inside of the shells that we have created through our experiences and internal dialogue that we accept. The seed would argue that the shell is not the life that we create because if we just cast off our shells and die to these old ways we will grow to something that is 100 times bigger then what we can imagine. Tyler often says “what would you do and who would you be if fear didn’t exist.” The seed would argue that fear is part of our shell and if we just commit to letting it go, knowing that deep inside of us we possess something more we will do just fine.

It startles me how a seed can teach us so much about inner game.